VIVAH SACRAMENT
(MARRIAGE SACRAMENT)
Marriage sacrament is the thirteenth
sacrament out of sixteen sacraments. Marriage sacrament is also known as entry
into the stage of married family life. The stage of being in married family life
is regarded as the biggest and noblest of all stages of life. This stage of life
commences with marriage. What is marriage? Vedic marriage is a high standard
of religious bond. The word ‘vivah’ is made up of two words- ‘vi’-‘vah’
= ‘vishesh’. ‘Vi’ means ‘vishesh’ or ‘special’ and
‘vah’ means ‘vahan’ or ‘vehicle’, chariot, motor car etc.
Marriage is such a vehicle in which the husband and wife are like two wheels, in
which both have to be of one type. In other words, it can be also said that when
two human beings – male and female, become attracted to one another in love and
promise to help one another with heart, soul and body, it is called marriage.
Marriage also has another meaning i.e.,
to fulfill the responsibilities of married family life in a special way.
EXAMINATION
OF BRIDE AND BRIDEGROOM
Before marriage
takes place, the marriage partners should be examined. This means that an
examination of the good and bad characteristics of males and females should be
conducted by those qualified to do so, and marriage should only be conducted
between males and females who have good characteristics. A male doctor should
conduct an examination of any hidden diseases in the male and in like manner, a
female doctor should examine the female for such diseases. Their state of mental
health should also be checked by a learned male and a learned female. The age,
family background, permanent place of residence, body and nature of the bride
and bridegroom must also be examined. In other words, both should know about one
another i.e., their qualities, deeds and nature should be similar and both
should be desirous of getting married. The age of the female should be two to
four years less that the age of the male. Both parties should investigate the
family back grounds of each other. Marriage should never take place between
close relatives.
THE
MERITS OF CLOSE AND DISTANT MARRIAGES IS AS FOLLOWS
1)
It is not possible to develop true love between those males and females
who have lived together from childhood, played together, fought and loved one
another, know the good and bad qualities of one another and have seen one
another naked.
2)
Just as mixing water with water does not change the quality of the water,
in the same way marrying someone in one’s own family does not produce children
of good breed.
3)
Just as mixing sugar candy or ginger in milk makes it good, in the same
way marriage of males and females away from their families is good.
4)
Just as a sick person regains his health by moving to another country
which involves change in the environment and food, in the same way distant
marriages are the best.
5) There is likely to be disputes
between families of close marriages
because there will be regular visits
between family members.This does not happen in distant marriages, furthermore,
the love between the distant families increases, whereas this does not happen
in close marriages.
5)
If the parents of the bride are poor and the marriage has taken
place at a close distance, then she
will visit her parents regularly and when returning, the parents will have to
give her something each time. In this way the parents will become even poorer.
This problem does not occur in distant marriages.
Sacraments
have great importance in the Vedic religion. To enable human life to be of a
high standard, divine, great and highly cultured, Maharishi Dayanand has set out
the sixteen sacraments in ‘Sanskar Vidhi’. All sacraments are important,
however marriage sacrament is most important of all. In reality, this is the
sacrament which is the foundation of all other sacaraments.
At the present time human beings give
very little attention to sacraments. Today, only two or three sacraments are
being practised in place of the sixteen sacraments and even those are not being
done in accordance with the proper procedure. The families of the bridegroom and
bride consider feeding everyone to be the main event and as far as the sacrament
is concerned, it is their wish that it be completed within the minimum of time.
Marriage
at youthful stage
A male enters into the stage of youth
at 25 years of age, while a female enters this stage at 18-20 years of age.
There are many benefits of marriage at this stage of life.
(1)
Marriage at this stage takes place after fully understanding one’s
responsibilities. The benefit of marriage when the male is 25 years or over and
female is 18-20 years is that such marriage takes place after proper
investigations, is done with the consent of the male and the female, hence the
responsibility falls on the husband and the wife, and not on the parents. They
cannot blame anyone else if they do not get along together in future.
(2)
State of physical and mental maturity - at this stage the male and female have
fully grown up physically, therefore marriage at this age does not interfere
with the physical development of the body. Children born from such mature human
beings are healthy. It is only right that immature body produces immature
children and mature body produces mature children. Like physical maturity, there
is mental maturity at this age which is necessary for having a good family life.
Religious
Procedure
Vedic marriage is a religious
sacrament, not a task, that is why there are several procedures undertaken in
it, in the form of sacrament, so that righteousness becomes firmly established.
For example, verses from the Vedas are recited, marriage is performed in front
of the sacrificial fire, seven steps and other procedures are undertaken and
close relatives are invited and marriage is performed in their presence.
The
religious sacrament that is performed in Vedic marriages is outlined below.
Position
of wife in marriage
Maharishi Dayanand has accepted the
position of the wife in marriage to be always on the right hand side of the
husband. After performance of ‘Lajahom’ procedure, wherein oblations of roasted
paddy are given, Rishi Dayanand writes –
‘After this, the bride should sit on
the right hand side of the bridegroom and seated west of the Hawan Kund and
facing the east, the bridegroom, after reciting ‘Om Prajapataye swaha’….
should give one oblation of ghee into the Hawan Kund’.
After completion of the marriage
ceremony and when bride and bridegroom are leaving, Rishi Dayanand writes
-
‘and while sitting in the vehicle the bride groom should have the bride
seated on his right hand side.’
Not only this, Dayanand has further
stated that when performing the Yajna on reaching home after marriage, the wife
shall be seated on the right hand side of the husband -
‘The bride shall
be seated on the right hand side of the bridegroom, west of the Hawan Kund and
facing the sun’.
Vedic Marriage- a critical examination
Married
life is the most important and noble of all stages of life. This stage of life
commences with marriage. In Vedic religion great emphasis is placed on ensuring
that the qualities, deeds and nature of the bride and bridegroom are similar. A
Western doctor- Dr. Magnus Hirsh Field has also written beautifully on this
subject-
‘Happy
marriages are not made in heaven but in the laboratory’.
Both the man and woman should be carefully examined not only with regard to
their fitness to marry but whether they are fit to marry each other.
Marriage
Sacrament
Marriage sacrament means entering into
the stage of married life. According to our religious books, marriage sacrament
is very pure and important sacrament. The Vedic procedure for marriage sacrament
is as follows -
1)
Welcoming of the bridegroom
When the bridegroom enters the
‘mandap’ (place where marriage is to be conducted) at the bride’s residence
on the day of the marriage ceremony, the bride first of all says ‘I welcome
you’ and garlands the bridegroom. After the garlanding, the bride requests the
bridegroom to take a seat and gives ‘madhupark’ (curd, honey and ghee
mixed together ) for him to eat.
In fact this is the method of serving
the husband who returns home after the day’s hard work. Whenever the husband
comes home, the wife should welcome him and look after him with a smile.
Irrespective of the number of servants in the household, the husband should be
looked after by the wife herself. Other visitors to the house should be
similarly greeted and served.
(2)
Madhupark
Madhupark is a mixture of curd, honey
and ghee. The proportion in which these are mixed is as follows- curd three
parts, honey two parts and ghee one part. After mixing these, it should be kept
in a glass container. This is a tonic and of great medicinal value. The
qualities of the three food items is as follows-
Curd
- increases heat, digestion, smoothness, energy and semen and destroys gas.
Honey
- is cool, sweet, delicious, conducive to appetite, destroys abscess and removes
phlegm.
Ghee
- brings about extreme beauty, brightness, increases intelligence and destroys
poison and bile.
The performance of ‘madhupark’
signifies as to the type of food that the wife should cook in the home. Food
should have qualities derived from yoghurt, honey and ghee. Accordingly food
should be such as to:-
1.
Keep the level of gas, bile and phlegm in the body even. If these three
are not kept even the body becomes unhealthy.
2.
Promote long life and strength. Food should be attractive and delicious
like honey. There is another special quality in honey. Other things in this
world are prepared after destroying some thing first; for example when sugar is
made, sugar cane is destroyed. However the process whereby honey is made is such
that flowers etc from which nector is collected by bees to make honey are not
destroyed. In the same way earnings through occupation in married life should be
such that one does not rule over others or destroy others.
The
bridegroom holds the madhupark and says as follows:-
Om mitrasya twa chakshusha pratikshe.
Paraskar
1/3/16
O
God! I am looking at this madhupark with a friendly eye.
Whenever food comes our way, we should
always look at it with a friendly eye. The best of foods eaten without feeling
happy or showing interest in it does not nourish the body. Food eaten with
interest is not only tasty but is also very nourishing to the body.
Holding the madhupark in his left hand
the bridegroom says:- O Almighty God! May the air, the river and medicinal herbs
be honey-like. May the night and the morning, earth and the space above us be
beneficial to us. May the forests be honey-like. May the sun shine for our
happiness and may the cows and other animals produce a lot of milk.
With the above feelings the bridegroom
sprinkles the madhupark to the east, south, west, north, and in the upward
direction. Sprinkling the madhupark, the bridegroom is expressing his feeling
that may there always be plentiful of good things like madhupark everywhere; may
everyone have food of this type to eat so that every citizen may be healthy,
strong and happy.
(3)
GODAAN (donating cow)
After
madhupark, the next step in the marriage ceremony is Godaan or donating a cow.
Cow is a symbol of Vedic culture. As the saying goes - if there is no cow there
is no home. The reason for giving a cow to the newly wed is that milk and other
milk products are necessary for the good health of all members of the family.
Ancient seers have created an excellent system for the protection of cows by
requiring donation of a cow at the time of marriage. These days instead of
donating a cow, money and other items are donated.
(4)
KANYA SAMARPAN (handing over of the bride)
After
donating a cow or money etc., the bride’s father hands over his daughter to the
bridegroom by placing her daughter’s right hand onto the bridegroom’s right
hand. This is what is known as handing over the bride. On this occasion whatever
sovereign etc. that the father gives to the daughter is regarded as her
possession. At some time or another when she faces difficulty in her life, this
possession can prove to be very helpful. In this way the father gives to his
daughter a part of his wealth which is not available to her in any other way.
(5)
PRATIJYA MANTRA (Promises)
The bridegroom and bride both say the
following mantra :-
Om
samanjantu vishwe deva samapo hridayani nau.
Sam matarishwa sam dhata samudeshtri
dadhatu nau.
Rig 10.85.47
Meaning
- O learned persons present in this yajshala! (place where marriage is
performed). We are entering into married life through our own free will and
happiness. May our hearts become one, like water. Just as air is precious to
all, in the same way we will be precious for one another. Just as God is the
support of all, in the same way may we be the support of one another. The main
essence of marriage is the meeting of two hearts. May our hearts meet in such
way as do waters from two wells.
In this world when two things meet and
become one, they can be separated. For example if sugar gets mixed with sand,
ants can separate it. If milk is mixed with water then a swan can separate it.
But there is no animal or bird nor has any scientist invented any instrument
which can separate water from two separate wells that has been mixed together.
Just as two hearts leave their individual identities and become one, in the same
way, may our hearts also become one. The bride and bridegroom should not even
think of any other male or female as their partners, apart from one another.
(6)
MAIN DUTIES OF THE WIFE
After
marriage the bride will go with the bridegroom to his house. How should she
behave in her new home - the bridegroom voices his feelings on this as follows
:-
Om
bhurbhuvah swah. Aghorachakshurpatighnyedhi shiva pashubhyah sumanah suvarchah .
Virsurdevrikama syona bhav dwipade sham chatushpade.
Rig 10.85.44
Meaning - O beautiful wife who does not
rebel against the husband! With the blessing of Almighty God and with your own
effort may you show respect and love to everyone. May you be auspicious to the
animals. With a pure heart, be smiling like the beautiful flowers. May you shine
with knowledge and good qualities. Give birth to brave sons and daughters. Treat
my younger brothers with love and affection. In short, treat all human beings
and animals in the house in such a way that everyone is happy.
The wife replies as follows-
Om
pra me patiyanah panthah kalpatam shiva arishta patilok gameyam. Gobhil
Grihasutra.. 2.1.20
Meaning - My path is the same as my
husband’s path (of righteousness). I will follow whatever instructions
(righteous) that you will give me so that I may be happy and achieve moksha
(salvation) without difficulty.
(7)
AGNIHOTRA (Yaj)
Followers
of Vedic faith use fire as the symbol of witness in all their religious duties.
Therefore before commencing the main part of the marriage ceremony, normal yaj
is performed first. This is also the time when the Vedic Purohit (priest) who
will officiate the marriage ceremony is accorded acceptance.
(8)
FIVE SPECIAL OBLATIONS
After normal yaj
has been performed, five special oblations are offered. While offering these
five oblations the bride places her right hand on the right shoulder of the
bridegroom. These five oblations draw the attention of the couple to the five
duties that need to be performed in the home daily. These five duties should be
performed daily in every family, in so far as practicable. By placing her right
hand on the husband’s shoulder the wife is signifying that she will continue to
perform these duties during his absence , however the husband will have to meet
the cost that will be incurred in this.
(9)
RASHTRABHRIT HOM (Prayer for
the nation)
A
number of responsibilities fall upon the newly married couple as soon as they
enter the stage of married life. It is the duty of every married couple to look
after the nation, to make the nation determined and powerful. We must make our
nation prosperous in every way, therefore they offer special oblations for the
nation. In these mantras(verses) it is requested of the couple that they protect
mental and physical strength in the society. “Brahm Shakti” refers to power of
the brain, or the power of mental and spiritual knowledge. ‘Kshatra Shakti”
refers refers to the power of the body or the physical power. The society
maintains its strength with these two powers.
JAYA HOM
(Prayer for victory)
In
this prayer, oblations are offered with the aim of being successful in life.
ABHYATAN
HOM (Prayer for prosperity )
‘Abhyatan’ means personal
progress in every way- that is the development of the body, mind and soul. The
prayer in Abhyatan mantras is- “So ma awatu asmin brahmni, asmin chatre -
may God be my protector in the development of my mental and physical strength.
There
is beauty in this sequence. Firstly there is collective prayer in this and then
there is personal prayer. It is clear from this sequence that the nation is more
important than the individual. Where national importance is considered paramount
there is the emergence of the national spirit and the nation prospers. In
contrast to this where an individual is given all powers and responsibilities,
national independence is destroyed. If the citizens of the country are healthy
and strong then the country will also be powerful. Therefore the development of
the individual is most important for the development of the nation. Someone has
put it well “if every individual improves himself/herself, then the improvement
of the nation is very simple. If a person is only thinking of the national
progress, and does not pay attention to his own progress then what is the
consequence of this? Such people do not make progress and are left behind.
On the other hand if a person only
thinks of his/her own progress, and closes his/her eyes to the national welfare,
then there is bad behaviour, corruption, dishonest practices, theft, hoarding
and other evils through selfishness. The question arises as to what is the noble
path? The answer is that the middle path is the noble path. The person who keeps
in mind both the national progress as well as the individual progress, that is
the person who is victorious in this world. This is why Jaya Hom is placed in
between the two yajs.
(10)
OBLATIONS OFFERED IN RESPECT OF CHILDREN
After Jaya Hom, eight oblations of
ghee are offered. The main prayer in these mantras is as follows:- (1)
May the wife give birth to good children. (2) May the wife not suffer
children related problems. (3) May she never suffer from lack of
children. (4) May her children live for long, so that she may enjoy their
company. (5) Through God’s grace may peace prevail in her house and that
there be no unhappiness at night.
(11)
HOLDING THE BRIDES
HAND -
DUTY OF THE HUSBAND
From
here the main part of the marriage ceremony begins. Holding the right hand of
the bride, the husband recites six mantras. The essence of these mantras is as
follows:-
Aum
gribhnani te saubhagatwaya hastam maya patya jaradashtiryathasah . Bhago aryama
savita purandhirmahyam twadurgarhpatyaya devah.
(Rigveda
10/85/36)
O
beautiful bride! I take your hand for fame and noble children and other fortune.
May you live with me happily until old age.
In the same way the bride says:- O
brave husband! I am also accepting your hand for good fortune. May you live with
me happily and contended until old age. God who is the giver of peace and
happiness, just, the creator of the universe and its supporter and those learned
persons present in this ceremony have handed me over to you for the sustenance
of married life. We are for on another from today.
Bhagaste hastamgrabhit savita
hastamgrabhit. Patni twamasi dharmanaham grahpatistava.
Atharva Ved
14/1/51
O bride! Full of fame and able to
procreate, and follower of the path of righteousness, I take your hand. You are
my wife through dharm, similarly I am your husband. Let us together fulfill the
duties of the house and married life.
Mameyamastu
poshya mahyam twadad brihaspatih. Maya patya prajawati sam jiva sharadah shatam.
Atharva
ved 14/1/52
O bride! God who is the sustainer of
the whole universe has given you to me. I will never forget my duty that I have
to earn wealth through just means and provide for your living. O bride! Live
with me happily for a hundred years.
Twashta
waso vyadadhachubhhe kam brihaspateh prashisha kavinam.
Tenemam narim
savita bhagashcha surryamiwa pari dhattam prajaya.
Atharvaved 14/2/53
O
bride! Together with food items I will also provide you with clothing and
ornaments which have been prepared by noble skilled persons. May God who is full
of fame and the creator of the whole universe bless you shining like the sun’s
rays, with children.
Indragni
dyawaprithivi matarishwa mitravaruna bhago ashwinobha. Brihaspatirmaruto brahm
som narim prajaya wardhayantu.
(Atharvaved
14/1/55)
O my relatives! Just as electricity
and fire, sun and earth, air, breathe, peace giving materials, good doctors and
true preachers, king, learned persons, subjects, God, knowledge of Vedas,
medicinal herbs enhance this lady with children, in the same way please also
increase her happiness with good wishes and blessings. I will also continue to
enhance her with children etc.
Aham
vishyami mayi rupamasya vedaditpashyanmanasah kulayam.
Na steyamadmi
manasodmuchye swayam shrathnano varunasya pashan.
(Atharvaved 14/1/57
)
O bride! I see the enhancement of my
progeny and look at you with love and come to you with affection. In the same
way please come to me also. I will never consume anything by hiding it from you
and will never let such thought enter my mind. With all my strength and good
behaviour, I will remove evil hearted persons from you
After reciting these six mantras the
bridegroom helps the bride to stand up. Thereafter both walk around the
sacrificial fire once and stand at their original places of sitting.
The bride groom recites the following
mantra:-
Om
amo hamasmi sa twam sa twamasyamoham. Samahamasmi riktwam dyohraham prithivi
twam. Taveva vivahavahai putran vindavahai sah reto dadhavahai. Prajam
prajanayavahai bahun. Te santu jaradastayah sam priyoh rochishnu sumanasyamanau.
Pashyema sharadah shatam jivema sharadah shatam, shrinuyama sharadah shatam.
( Paraskar 1.6.3.)
O
Dear! I am like the musical Samved and you are poetess like Rigved. I am like
the sun which promotes rain and you are conceiver like the earth. Come let us
marry with pleasure and conceive and produce noble children. May those children
have long life. May we love each other, be in the best of health, always be
happy and see each other with love for a hundred years, live in bliss for a
hundred years and listen to each others pleasant speech for a hundred years.
(12)
Shila Arohan
Om
arohma mashman mashmeva twam sthira bhawa. Abhitishta pritanyato – vabadhaswa
pritanayatah.
( Paraskar 1.7.1.)
O
Lady! You must become firm as a rock, in religious activities. If you ever come
across difficulties, in family life then be firm and steady like the rock which
stays steady during heavy rainfall and hurricane. You must defend yourself
firmly from those who may attack you. For this make your body as strong as
steel.
(13)
Laja Hom (Oblations of roasted paddy)
Offering oblations
of roasted paddy is a very important procedure in the marriage ceremony. In this
procedure the bride’s brother fills the palms of his sister (the bride) with the
roasted paddy. After reciting the mantras, she drops it into the sacrificial
fire. The groom helps her in this performance – meaning both of them should do
all religious ceremonies together. The meanings of the mantras the bride recites
are as follows;-
1.
O Just God! You are separating me from my parents but I must stay firm in
my husband’s family and never ever separate from there.
2.
In offering these roasted paddy, my wish is that my husband may live long
and the members of my family (the in-laws) prosper with wealth and health.
3.
O husband! I am offering this paddy for your success. May God bless for
ever, the love between you and me.
After completing
the paddy oblation ceremony, the bridegroom holds the phalanges of the bride and
recites the mantras which expresses the women’s dignity.
Tamadya
gatham gasyami ya strinam uttamam yashah.
O Lady! I will sing
the praises and good deeds of the ladies to you from this day.
This was the
procedure, now let us focus on the ideological meaning of the procedure. The
brother while filling the palms of his sister (the bride) is promising to her as
follows: O Sister! You are departing from your parent’s home. The father’s
responsibility finishes today and my responsibility begins. Whenever you will
come here, I will fill your palms with noble and generous earnings of mine, on
your departure from here.
While offering the
paddy, the true meaning of marriage is explained to the bride and the groom. The
roasted paddy is made from paddy. The paddy comprises of husk and rice. The husk
represents the bride and the rice represents the groom. As long they keep
together they are protected. As long as the husk sticks with the rice, it’s
value is high, but if it separates, it loses its value. In the same way as long
as the bride is in the company of the groom, she is very adorable and
respectable. On the other hand, the rice becomes more valuable when separated
from it’s husk, but looses it’s germinating values. On planting the rice no
cultivator can fulfil his ambitions. No matter how valuable the polished rice
may be, to germinate it has to take the assistance of it’s husk. Similarly a man
who wants children must respect his wife.
The paddy is sown
in seed bed first to produce seedlings. Later these seedlings are uprooted and
transplanted at a different place, then only does it grow, flower and fruit.
Similarly a girl is born and bred at the parent’s home, but only produces
children when she goes to her husband’s home.
(14)
Saptpati (seven steps, seven vows)
This
is the last main procedure in the marriage ceremony. At this stage the bride’s
clothes are tied in a knot to the groom’s clothes. The significance behind tying
the knot is that a man or a woman is unable to take the seven steps alone. Both
of them, together, can assist each other to live a steady family life in this
world, which can be likened a huge river.
What
is the other reason for tying the knot?
Sitting in the
marriage ceremonial stage and tying the knots does not only represent the fact
of clothes being tied together. More importantly it represents the tying
together of two hearts. In the Vedic religion there is no divorce. Thus the
groom and the bride have become one and their relationship has become one. Tying
of the knot is done to signify this.
While taking the
steps, the groom is reminding the bride, “Ma savyen dakhshin matikram”.
O
bride! Never take a wrong step in place of the right step.
While fulfilling
family duties never let deceptive means take the place of simplicity, truth and
justice to be over powered by untruth and injustice. Do not ever follow wrong
directions under any circumstance. Always give preference only to truth and not
untruth. With these words the groom requests the bride to walk forward beginning
with the right foot. To begin walking with the right foot means you should
follow simple, correct path and never the wrong path.
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